Being a Mom Isn't For Sissies!

Its interesting being 'of a certain age' and the perspective it gives you.  I look at this classic picture of me with my arms full of two sleeping babies and remember the sweet joy of cuddling my little ones. But, I also remember the pain of feeling over whelmed, TIRED and terribly inadequate. I know now that I was not alone with those feelings.  I would be surprised to learn that there has ever been any young mother of any era who didn't struggle with that emotional roller coaster at sometime.
            I was convinced that my lot was especially hard because I happened to live next door to ferociously organized 'Super Mom' whose house was always perfect, children always dressed to the nines, room mother every year,  Primary President, perfect wife.. etc. etc.  I despaired of ever coming close to her perfection.  What it took me many years to understand was that I was comparing my 'worst' to her 'best'.  I was measuring my inadequacies to her strengths.  I still have a hard time believing that she ever looked over the fence and wished she could be more like me in something.. but, perhaps she did.  My house wasn't always spotless.. (ok, never!) but there was a lot of love there.. and laughter and singing and creativity and spontaneity.  Where her kids were always on time, with forms signed, homework done and lunches in hand, my kids learned that it was ok to not be perfect, and to be able to laugh at themselves and solve problems creatively..   Good things!  But, it was so hard to see the bigger picture when I was in the middle of the whirlwind!     
           Yes, age and experience does give a little perspective.  My heart hurts as I watch the struggles of my daughters and daughters-in-law, and other young women, trying so hard to live up to their own expectations of everything they should be and aught to do. If I could give young mothers one piece of advice it would be to be gentle with yourself.  You are right now in one of the most difficult periods of your life.. in the trenches, so to speak.  The reality is that you are not always going to be perfectly patient, your house is not going to be spotless and you'll probably get behind on the laundry.  But, if your kids (and husband) know, without any doubt, that you love them.. you are doing just fine.  Trust me-  The kids won't remember if the dishes weren't done or that dinner was late or even that you raised your voice occasionally.  What they will remember is that they felt safe and loved and important.  I learned this lesson from a wise woman before I was even married.  One day my mom and several other ladies were sitting around chatting about their kids.  One lady in particular had kids that were terrors when they were little and had since grown up to be lovely young adults.  Someone asked her what her secret was.  She thought a minute and said, "I don't know.  I guess I just loved them." There is such wisdom in that simple phrase!  It doesn't really matter what your style of parenting is, what really matters is that your kids know, deep down,  in their heart of hearts that they are loved.  Then, no matter what the world throws at them or tries to tell them about themselves, they always have that firm and secure foundation of knowing they are valued and valuable. My mother gave that gift to me and I really tried hard to pass it on to my kids.
      As I look at this picture, I wish I could give that young mother (and all young mothers I know) a hug and be able to whisper in her ear that she is doing ok, that it will all be ok.. .  She will survive and, (miraculously, some days) she will allow those kids to survive too!  LOL  Those babies, and their 3 siblings will grow up to be wonderful men and women, in spite of her mistakes and inadaquacies.   They will be amazing, in fact, and will make her so proud and grateful to be their mom!